Essay 1: The sixth paragraph of my first draft had a definition of shame added from Webster Dictionary for credibility. I also included a quote from Hallward to further my point that shame is not good for our health and explained the importance of said quote. Overall, I feel like I was able to generally make my essay clearer, however, after rereading it and analyzing I realize that there is a lot more I can do to connect my ideas to each other and to the main point more clearly as well as add more insightful comments of other people’s ideas/quotes.
Essay 2: After reading my introduction I realized that I had told a story with no connection, so I added a statement to connect them. I also reworded some of sentences so that they were clearer. There was no conceptual change or edits to improve my argument; I really only made local edits and did not look at the essay globally.
